


Sit Down, Shut Up, and be Educated

by zovinar



Category: Tales of Berseria, Tales of the Abyss, Tales of the Rays (Video Game)
Genre: Ensemble Cast, Gen, Humor, The Talk™, all of the Tales, all of the rays, be educated you heathens, im not tagging people who show up just once, sex-ed, velvet is very pro sexual education
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-12-08
Updated: 2017-12-08
Packaged: 2019-02-12 03:50:59
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 706
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/12950697
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/zovinar/pseuds/zovinar
Summary: Velvet hasn’t been here all that long but she’s still noticed a problem: she’s trapped on this damn boat with a bunch of clueless, hormonal teenagers.Luckily, Velvet also has a solution.





	Sit Down, Shut Up, and be Educated

**Author's Note:**

  * For [aruarudayo](https://archiveofourown.org/users/aruarudayo/gifts).



> takes place in current english rays, so right after Colette and Guy join.
> 
> sorry guys, I done fucked up. gifting this to aru bc this _is_ very directly Your Fault.

 

“Alright, all of you sit your asses down.”

Velvet stands at the front of the room, hands planted on the desk in front of her as she stares down the rest of the nexuses that are gathered there.

“It’s come to my attention that, while most of you are at an age to be interested in having sex, none of you know jack-shit about it.” She taps her chalk on the blackboard looking irritated. “Stupidly enough, most of you seem to be cooped up in this airship with your significant others or interests, so today all of you will _learn_.”

Ix is reluctant to be the first to break the silence. “Do we uh,” he hesitates, “um, all need to be here?”

Velvet gives him a flat look. “If you wanna opt out, you’re gonna have to give me some proof that you don’t _need_ to be here, not that you don’t want to.”

Farah frowns as Ix pales. “What about Sophie and Edna?”

“Edna’s way older than the rest of us and knows what to do by now if Eizen had any say in it. Sophie is an alien. I’ll be speaking to her later in private.”

Leon makes to stand, looking indignant, but Velvet glares him back into his seat. “Sit down lover-boy, you’re sixteen and I’ve seen how you look at that maid of yours.” Rutee snorts, earnings her own dirty look from Leon.

Kyle rocks side to side in his seat, waving a hand at Velvet.

“Ugh, stop.” She levels a finger at him, “if nobody covered puberty with you, then Empyreans help us because it’s too late for that so try and keep up anyway.”

He settles back with a pout and Reala pats Kyle’s back consolingly

“Oh right,” Velvet mentions off-hand as she turns back to the chalkboard, starting to write out 'P-E-N-’ in all caps, “this idiot will be helping.”

As soon as the Colonel steps in, Luke’s face drops from mildly curious to bland expectance. Tear facepalms.

“Okay.” Velvet turns back to face the room, drawing a sharp underline to the word she just wrote out. “We’ll be starting with the penis.”

“Hello everyone,” Jade’s smile is full of spiteful humor, voice indulgent as he pulls something that crinkles out of his pocket, “this is what we call a _condom.”_

Ix wants to die.

 

* * *

 

It all sort of snowballs from there.

Sorey is taking notes in his journal, copying down diagrams studiously with Mikleo peeking over his shoulder, as Velvet careful illustrates the labia folds, pointing out where the clitoris can be found. Colette is giggling into Lloyd’s shoulder while he blushes bright red despite having already gotten this from Raine. Rutee has her arms crossed behind her head, poking at Stahn as he makes occasional confused noises.

Tear and Luke have migrated to the back where she looks bored as Luke leans into her, yawning. Jude also seems unconcerned, but he’s a medical student and already knows this shit cold.

“Mileena,” Ix hisses at her, trying not to catch Velvet’s attention.

“What is it, Ix.” She doesn’t even look up from filing her nails.

“I, this—” He stops, flustered. “Are you sure this was a good idea?”

Rita kicks her feet up, raising a brow at Ix. “Shit, Mil’ you have your work cut out for you with this one.”

“Mm-hm,” Mileena hums.

Ix…Ix still kinda wants to die.

 

* * *

 

Finally, _finally_ , Velvet puts down the chalk and dusts her hands. “Okay, that’s all for today now.” Milla makes a disappointed sound as Velvet turns back to the rest of them, looking satisfied. “Most of you seem straight as shit, so I’ll cover non-heterosexual situations later, but if you wanna ask about that or anything else in the meantime, I’ll be in my quarters for the rest of the day.”

Laughing, Colette leans over to whisper something about three-somethings into Lloyd’s ear.

Velvet props a hand on her hip, inspecting all their faces. “If anyone is more comfortable talking to a man, or if you have a specifically male-anatomy oriented question, you can ask—” she glances Jade, who looks like he’ll gleefully discuss any questions as excruciatingly as possible.

“Actually, you should probably just go find Guy.”

**Author's Note:**

> for the record, all the abyss kids know this shit already but Jade didn’t tell anyone that because he’s a sadist. Velvet, on the other hand, is a career hedonist and has this shit down.
> 
> for a list of people who _weren’t_ there, we have Edna and Sophie for said reasons, Raine, Guy, and Raven. I don’t know much about Marian, but she’s a maid for a noble household and they usually know about this shit. Yuri was out too, but Repede was there for moral support. Elize is twelve and will be getting the puberty talk at a later date. Milla showed up because she felt like it.
> 
> come fight me about anything and point out my fuckups, I wrote this in the bath so there are bound to be some.


End file.
